Beyond Time Page 7

  “But it’s too soon, isn’t it? It hasn’t even been a year yet, Mom. I just feel like...maybe it would...I don’t know...cheapen how I felt about Mattie.”

  Carol reached out and gave her daughter a hug. “Nothing could cheapen how you felt in your heart, baby. We all knew how much you loved Mattie. It was always right here, in your baby blues.”

  Cadie smiled. “You know, Jack told me he cared about me. He asked if I could ever feel like that about him.”

  “Then I think you’re going to make him a happy man, baby. Just follow your heart, it’ll never steer you wrong.”

  Cadie hugged her mom, dropping half the bags she was carrying but managing to hang on to the box that held her laptop. Carole laughed and took some of the bags off Cadie’s arms, helping her pick up the others. Then she followed Cadie out to the parking lot. It took little time to drop the bags in the trunk and then Carole handed Cadie the keys and she slid into the passenger seat. “No speeding.”

  Cadie laughed. “Sure thing, Mom.”

  The trip to the Bestry home took little time and Cadie turned on her turn signal to let the car behind her know she was turning. She didn’t see the car that was barreling toward her, going much faster that the thirty-five miles per hour speed limit. The car was all over the road and when Cadie did see it, it was too late to do anything more than scream.

  The sound of metal crunching or glass shattering was not as shocking to Cadie as the sharp impact of the driver’s window that hit against her temple, hard.

  She gasped, her hand rising to touch her forehead even as the air bags blew in front of her. A fine white powder shot into the air as the air bags released. The powder got everywhere and it made her cough. “Mom?”

  “I’m here, baby. Are you all right?”

  “I...I think so.” It felt like only seconds before a hand reached in through her window. She looked up at the face it belonged to. “Jack?”

  “Don’t try to move, Cadie. We’ve got help coming.”

  Those seemed to be the words she was waiting for and she relaxed against the seat. “Is my mom okay?”

  Jack looked over to where the drunk driver was getting his ass handed to him by Carole. Jack’s dad stood between the two of them, ready to step in if necessary. “I think she’s doing a lot better than the other guy. Just lie still, Cadie. We’ll let the ambulance and rescue guys cut you out of this.”

  Cadie nodded, her hand grasping Jack’s. “C-can I say something to you?”

  “You sure can, honey.” He pushed her hair out of her face, careful of the cuts on her face. “You can tell me anything, Cadie. You know that.”

  Cadie opened her eyes, blinking them quickly when the area around her seemed to change and she wasn’t in the car, holding Jack’s hand. “Hmm,” she moaned. Shaking her head caused pain but it also brought her back awake and aware. “I...I needed you to know how I feel about you, Jack.” He swam out of focus once more, and she heard her mother’s voice as if it were coming from a long way off. “This isn’t right.”

  “What’s not right, Cadie? Come on, baby, stay awake here.” She felt him pull her hand to his mouth, pressing a soft kiss to her palm. It was such a Jack sort of thing to do that she smiled, opening her eyes.

  “I love you...” The words seemed to slide away from her, and she was unable to get them back. “Jack!”

  His face moved in and out of clarity, then it grew fuzzy and suddenly, it wasn’t Jack, it was Mattie.

  “Come on, Cadie, catch up here girl.”

  She could feel the heat of the sun against her skin and turned her face toward the man who was calling her name. “Cadie...you were the one that wanted to come out here today. Move it!”

  Cadie grabbed hold of his hand. “You’re not here, you’re dead...”

  “Shh, Cadie. Don’t fight, baby. They’re trying to help you.”

  Cadie stared up at Jack. “It...it wasn’t you.” She shook her head, moaning as the men moving the car pieces away from her jounced her a bit. “No...no Jack, it wasn’t you, it was...Mattie.”

  Mattie grabbed her hand, tugging her onward. The sun was warm against her shoulders again and she glanced around, trying to figure out where they were. “Where are you taking me?”

  “The stream, remember. You said you wanted to go there today. You said it would be one of the last times we could go this year. What’s up with you, Cadie?”

  Cadie grabbed Mattie’s hand. “No, no we can’t go there, Mattie. Please can we go somewhere else, anywhere else?”

  She could see his eyes and knew he was thinking over her request. If he had any idea of what they’d been through at that clearing, near the stream...she reached out and grabbed both of his hands. “Anyplace but the stream, Mattie, please?”

  “I think you’re going crazy, Cadie, but okay. Any other ideas?”

  “Your folks went up to Davison today, didn’t they?”

  Mattie smiled and he spun her around once before tucking her hand under his arm. “By jove, old chap, I think you’ve had an epiphany.”

  Cadie tried to laugh but a sudden pain in her head had her eyes closing and she put out a hand to stop from falling. She felt his hand touch her arm and she opened her eyes, staring up and into Jack’s alarmed face. “Cadie, stay awake for me, sweetheart. You’ve got to try to stay awake.”

  She blinked a few times and then felt a thin trickle of blood moving down, across her cheek and over her chin. She tried to brush at it, confused again when she grabbed hold of a dandelion full of tiny white seeds. She glanced up at Mattie and waited to be dragged back. It was so good to see him, to see him as she wanted to remember him, laughing and teasing, strong and gentle the way he’d always been with her.

  “What are you going to do while I’m at boot camp?” He sighed, dropping a kiss to her forehead. “I feel kind of bad about running off to join the military when Jack’s there and it will leave my mom and dad with no one.”

  “They’ll have me. I’m going to State College so I can live at home and whenever they miss you, I can come over and show them all the pictures you’re going to send me.”

  Mattie laughed and it sounded like home to her, a home that had been cut off for so very long. “So you already have me getting someone in boot camp to take pictures of me for you?”

  “Uh huh, I also want the hair they’re going to shave off you.” She reached up and tugged on his shoulder length hair. “I could cry over thinking all these beautiful curls will be lopped off.”

  “Now you sound like my mom. I’m tempted to drive up to Dad’s barber and let him do the deed so you ladies can have a curl or two to tide you over until I get home.” He glanced down at her, seeing the strangely sad look in her eyes. “What’s wrong, Cadie?” He stopped walking, turning her to face him.

  “It’s just...I know this is some kind of dream, Mattie. They killed you when you tried to help me. I felt the knife they’d used on you. They threatened me with it, to keep me from screaming. But with you dead, there wasn’t anything left that I cared about, not until...Jack.” Cadie felt the tears slipping down her face and she buried it against his shoulder, smelling the spicy scent that had always said Mattie to her.

  “Cadie? Jack’s in Germany. And I’m not dead, baby. I’m right here.” He took her hand and held it between his. “Look at me, sweetie. Feel me. I’m right here with you. I haven’t gone anywhere. Come on, Cadie, you know how much I hate it when you cry.”

  Cadie pulled away, hating that she would have to wake up from whatever this was. Was she dreaming? Could she be back in the coma? Maybe the past months were just part of some kind of comatose haze and she would wake to find Jack gone and Mattie dead. The thought of losing both of them was more than she could stand. She turned her head away from him only to feel his hands against her face, turning her back toward him.

 
“I don’t know what this is all about, baby. But I’m here and I love you.” He pressed kisses against her tear filled eyes. “I was going to do this at the stream...”

  Cadie glanced up and felt a sob shake her. He was holding the same dark blue jewelry box that he’d held out to her so many months before. Now, even though she knew how she felt, and how he felt, there was another man on her mind. Jack.

  “I didn’t think you’d cry, Cadie. I mean, I’d hoped for some happy tears but you don’t seem so happy.”

  Cadie tugged on Mattie’s arm, taking him around to the back of the house where Mattie’s parents had set up a swing in a big tree. She tugged him down next to her on the swing. “Mattie...I love you. Nothing will ever change that. But I can’t change the things I’ve gone through since you died.”

  “Cadie, you’re crazy. I’m not dead.” He threw his hands up in the air. “Feel me, baby. Touch me. I am just as real as you are.”

  “I’m not sure how real that is right now, Mattie.” She ran a hand through her hair. “What we went through that day left its mark on my soul.” She dragged quick fingers under her eyes, trying to rid herself of the tears. “I’ve fallen for someone else, someone who isn’t dead. Or at least I don’t think he’s dead.”

  “Cadie...”

  “No, Mattie. I have to say this. When you were killed, I thought my world was over. I thought I’d found and lost the only man I would ever be able to love. I was wrong, Mattie. I loved you, more than I’d ever be able to possibly tell you. You were my world at one time, Mattie.” She took the box out of his hand, and dropped it to her lap. Then she lifted his hands, taking them to her lips.

  “I love you, too, Cadie-bug. I love you more than my life.”

  Cadie smiled sadly. “You proved that to me, Mattie. You stood up to those men and I watched them shove a knife into your belly. You died in my arms.” She looked up at him, seeing the look on his face and knowing that somehow, in some incredible way, he actually did understand what she was saying. “God, this is so hard, almost as hard as it was to wake up that day and know you were dead.”

  “It’s Jack, isn’t it?” His voice was soft, caring and emphatic.

  “Yes, it’s Jack, Mattie. I didn’t mean for it to happen, I did everything I could to keep it from happening. But he was always there for me. When the memories of you became too much to bear, he would listen. He always seemed to understand what I needed. I think he actually saved me, Mattie.”

  “Yeah, that’s Jack.” He reached over and picked up the jewelry box that she’d dropped in her lap. “I’m very happy that you have him, Cadie, and that he has you. If it had to be someone besides me, I’m so glad it was him.” He sniffed and then sighed before dipping his head to kiss her lips. “One thing, Cadie. Please, will you wear this? I know they took it from you. I also know it’s the one thing that has been a real burden on your conscience, that they’d gotten rid of it before they were caught. If you think it would upset Jack, then please, just keep it and look at it once in a while and remember me?”

  He opened the jewelry box and lifted the beautiful ring out, sliding it on her finger. “It’s the way it was supposed to be, Cadie. I’m at peace, but I know you and I know you’re going to feel guilty. So don’t. This is why I came back; I had to tell you that I am in a better place. Jack loves you and he will make you a fantastic husband.”

  Cadie wiped at the tears that wouldn’t quit leaking from her eyes. She held her hand out to him, feeling the ring slide over her slender finger. A sudden sharp pain stabbed behind her eyes and she cried out, trying to reach out to Mattie. “No! I’m not ready yet. Just a few more minutes, please!”

  He smiled, that wonderful goofy smile that had always made her smile back. A white light came from inside him, a light so bright and pure that she had to close her eyes against it. When she could open her eyes once more, a strange man was crouched next to her. “Well, now, there you are.” He smiled down at her. “How many of me do you see?”

  His smile was warm and caring and he held his finger in front of her. He flashed a light into her eyes. “Well, there’s no permanent damage.”

  “Jack?” She called out his name, wanting to find him, to make sure that she still had him.

  “I’m here, sweetheart.” He took her hand on the other side of the gurney.

  “Help me up, I want up.” She refused to allow the ambulance attendant to keep her lying on the gurney, sitting up despite the sudden flash of pain.

  “Cadie?” Her mother stepped forward only to stop when Cadie silently shook her head. “Good luck, Jack.” She’d taken one look in Cadie’s eyes and knew her headstrong and stubborn daughter would have her way.

  “Thanks, Carole.” Jack knelt beside her. “You should let them take you in to be checked out, Cadie. That was quite a bump you got.”

  “No, help me up?”

  Jack sighed and closed his eyes before reaching over to lift her up. Something fell from her lap, but she ignored it, snuggling into Jack’s arms. He ran his hands down her back, holding her close. “Do not scare me like that again.”

  Cadie smiled. “What if I told you I love you?” She felt Jack inhale and then his fingers were on her chin, lifting it so that he could look into her eyes.

  “There’s nothing wrong with her head?” he asked the ambulance attendant.

  The man chuckled. “Nope, just a little bump.” He reached into the grass at Cadie’s feet and picked something up.

  Jack stared into her beautiful blue eyes. She was a bit pale and her curls were mussed, but she was his beautiful Cadie. “You’re sure?”

  “It’s amazing for a man who’s wanted me to have feelings for him for months is now speechless.” She smiled up at him.

  Jack cupped his hands around her face, staring down at her. “You do, you love me.”

  “I do.”

  He grinned down at her, bending to kiss her for the first time when the ambulance attendant spoke up. “Does this belong to you? It fell from your lap when you stood up.”

  Cadie saw the small jewelry case that had been in Mattie’s hand. She lifted her left hand, staring at the beautiful diamond that was once more on her hand. “I was really there. It really happened.”

  Chapter Seven

  Cadie smiled up at Jack from where she was unpacking the last of their boxes. It hadn’t taken long for her to agree with him that she should share the apartment he’d found within walking distance of her classes. “Is it working?”

  “Yeah, I think this...about...has it.” He flicked on the television and his smile widened as he clicked through the sports channels.

  “So that’s why this apartment over the other one? The sports channels?”

  “It’s a definite perk, but you couldn’t say no to that bathroom.” He wrapped his arms around her, dragging her up off the floor. His lips covered hers and he sighed. “Then there’s always that.”

  Cadie grinned. “There sure is.” She snuggled against his wide chest, glancing up at him from beneath lowered lashes. “You aren’t upset about waiting?”

  Jack laughed, though it was a rueful sound. “Not as long as the waiting ends tonight, Cadie.”

  The idea of sex with Jack was like a two headed beast. She was excited about being so close to him, but she feared it as well. She especially feared disappointing him if the flashback to the rape interfered. She’d never forget the appointment she’d had with her therapist over that exact subject. And even though she’d promised to give Jack a chance and not instantly push him into the role of rapist in her head, it was a hard thing to do.

  “Cadie?”

  She shook her head, giving him her attention and pushing everything else into that tidy little box that she’d taken to storing things she really didn’t want to think about in her mind. “I’m sorry, honey.”

  “You
looked like you were thinking bad thoughts. I can wait longer if you’re not ready. I’d be happy just holding you all night long.” He let his forehead rest against hers, watching as her eyes fluttered then closed and she sighed.

  “No. I want to make love with you, Jack. I do. I’m just afraid...”

  “...that I’ll turn into one of those rapists in your head.” Jack had been thinking those thoughts himself and he’d made an appointment with Cadie’s therapist to discuss those exact worries. She hadn’t been able to discuss specifics with Cadie’s case but she had been able to give Jack some information and things that he could do that would ease Cadie’s mind a bit. He would do anything for Cadie, even if it meant masturbating for the next ten years until she felt safe and comfortable with him. “You’ll tell me if you’re scared or uncomfortable with anything I do?”

  “Of course.” She smiled up into his concerned face. “Isn’t that how relationships grow, with trust and discussing things that bother each of us?”

  “Yeah, but I really don’t want to scare you, Cadie. We don’t have to do this tonight. We could wait until after the wedding. Don’t most brides want that night to be a first?”

  Cadie’s brow furled and she felt a tiny edge of anger at his words. Her first had been Mattie. And she’d been his, his first, his only, because of those three men. They were now all in prison, one for first degree murder with special circumstances that had instantly put him on death row. Of course, her lawyer had told her that it took a long time for those inmates to bounce their way through all the appeals that they had. It could and probably would be years before he would be out of options.

  Cadie felt bad for knowing that she’d been party to putting a man on death row, but remembering how they’d made Mattie watch, how they’d stuck him and let him bleed to death in front of her, she got over it. She jerked back to the present when Jack waved his hand in front of her face.